In order to get to the escape route, we had to cross a wet and muddy swamp that was adjacent to a tiny hill. In the swamp we ran past people who were stuck in the mud, past handicapped people who couldn't be helped, for anyone who stopped to do so was risking his own life.
This was the first time that Beah, his friends, Talloi, Kaloko, Gibrilla, Khalilou and his brother Junior encountered trouble and had to escape. They were trying to escape the Mattru Jong. As they went throught the swamp they would see people that were stuck in the mud. They would encounter handicapped people that were helpless. All they could do was keep moving or help the people and be killed by the rebels.
At the river they made us kneel and put our hands behind our heads. Suddenly loud gunshots not far away from the villiage were heard.
In this event Beah barely escapes death. Beah, Talloi, Kaloko, Gibrilla, Khalilou and Junior went back to Mattru Jong. The rebels captured all of them. The rebels made each one of them line up so they could look each one in a eye to see who was scared. They made two separate lines. The rebels wanted to recruit the boys in one of the lines. The other line would be executed by the new recruits. Beah's brother Junior was one of the recruits who had to kill the other line which included beah. At the river they had to get on there knees and put there hands behind there head. As they were doing this gunshots went off and everyone scattered.
The sad thing about all that hard labor was that, in the end, it all went to ruin, because the rebels did eventually come and everyone ran away, leaving their farms to be covered by weeds and devoured by animals.
Beah and his friends went to the village on Kamator. In this villiage they were finally content. They had food to eat and things to do. They learned how to farm and cut down trees. They would go swimming everyday on there breaks. Everything was perfect again intil finally the rebels came again. They had to leave everything behind. Beah separated from his friends and his brother Junior who he would never see again.
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Justin,
ReplyDeleteThese are good parts to pull out and connect. Try to make the response more of brief essay, and use rhetorical strategies such as writing the quotes into your explanation of them and also use quotation marks and page numbers. These help with the eye, and also allow you not to be so formulaic and get you to think more about how to make your point, then use the quoted lines as support.
Right now the organization is awkward: solo quote, paragraph, solo quote, paragraph --that can stilt your writing, as it is overly methodical, too.
That all said, you do a good job wrestling with text and bring in a lot of content. Make sure that you are more precise with your language, though. For instance, in the last paragraph you state, "In this village they were finally content.," which is contradicted by two things: 1. What you say next -- that there's no finality to their happiness since the rebels come, and 2. Beah is worried about rebels the entire time he is at Kamator.
Grade: 23/25